What to do with this heart of mine…

I am excited about the return to our journey! Not that any of us had completely ceased our pursuit in the past few months, but there is joy and encouragement in joining you revolutionaries in fellowship, as Elizabeth described.

Hoping that the blog would return, I wrote the following on September 27th. Some things have changed since, but not the need to submit my heart completely:

It has been a while since the last post, but I thought about the blog this morning while reading. The last post (at AllYouNeedIsLove.blog) was a perfect closure to the first 6 months. Babby compared Esther’s preparation to how we have been preparing our hearts, dying to the old self and putting on the new nature. We are being prepared for something special. God has a unique calling for each one of us, and we should be sanctified, focused and ready for the time when His still, small voice whispers direction. 

I recently spent over 2 months at home with family and friends, and am now transitioning back to life with my ‘family’ and friends here in Buenos Aires. The transition has been unexpectedly rocky as I am thinking about the future and trying to decide whether or not to move back to the States early next year (and preparing for ACL surgery next week).  Needless to say, I have been frustrated with my heart and a roller coaster of emotions. I have been crying out to God, “What do you want from me? What is your will?” And the blessed response, “Wait.” Ah, how I struggle with patiently waiting in the Lord, with being still. But intimate stillness does not mean inaction or complacency. 

Lamentations 3:40-42
 Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD.  
Let us lift up our hearts and our hands to God in heaven, and say: 
We have sinned and rebelled and you have not forgiven. (in Spanish: tú no has querido perdonarnos = you haven’t wanted to forgive us)

Psalm 62:8
Trust in him at all times, O people; 
  pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

So as my heart aches with insecurity and doubt, I can lift it up and pour it out to my Rock. He is my refuge. He knows my heart and will guard it ferociously. I must bow before him in humility, repenting of my rebellion, accepting the price he paid and returning to him with all of my heart. 

Daddy, you love me. As your precious princess, you want the best for me. As my Refuge and King I can entrust my heart to you. I have no room for doubt or insecurity when I am complete in you. Lord, you have chosen me for such a time as this and, along with the preparatory perfume, I fit my feet with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.