Some thoughts on grief

Recently, some dear friends of ours have been forced to walk through an unimaginable loss.  Over the past week or so, as I’ve watched them go through this horrible valley, I’ve wrestled with all kind of emotions–sadness, heartbreak, anger, confusion–and I always come back to the question, “why do bad things happen to good people?”  It makes me so mad.

My heart is broken and I hate that our friends have to walk through this. What happened to them was not the way it was supposed to be.  It’s not fair.  No one wants to watch people they love be hurt or in any kind of pain.

When it comes to grief it can be awkward and uncomfortable to know just what to do or say.  How do you grieve with the people you love?  How can you best love and support them?  (In case you haven’t already read this, I STRONGLY suggest you read Mary Elizabeth’s post on how to help a grieving friend).

As I’ve been catching up on blogs this week, I stumbled upon a post from idaclare on grief.  In it, Sarah Beth references a quote from Glennon Melton’s book, “Carry On Warrior.”

There are so many questions and emotions we all go through when it comes to grief.  I know I really struggle in my faith when horrible situations seem to shake it.  I know  God is still there, but in the moment, sometimes, I can’t even bring myself to pull out those Bible verses I cling so tightly to during other times in my life.

What I loved about this quote is it’s simple, but doable: offer your friend relief from the fear that she is all alone; that is always enough to offer…

“Grief and pain are like joy and peace; they are not things we should try to snatch from each other. They’re sacred. They are part of each person’s journey. All we can do is offer relief from this fear: I am all alone. That’s the one fear you can alleviate. Offer your In Case of Emergency your presence, your love, yourself, so she will understand that no matter how dark it gets, she’s not walking alone. That is always enough to offer, Thank God.
Grief is not something to be fixed. It’s something to be borne, together. And when the time is right, there is always something that is borne from it. After real grief, we are reborn as people with wider and deeper vision and greater compassion for the pain of others. We know that. So through our friend’s grief, we maintain in our hearts the hope that in the end, good will come of it. But we don’t say that to our friend. We let our friend discover that on her own. Hope is a door each one must open for herself.”
Read Sarah Beth’s full post here.

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