Overcoming Apathy

Since I’ve started working part time from home, I have received the precious gift of more free time. Each day, I prayerfully try to be wise with my time management and spend time doing productive things throughout the day—quiet time, cleaning, working out, spending quality time with friends, and I also try to squeeze in a little work along the way.

Then there are days, like today, where all of a sudden the day has vanished and I think, “What have I done?” Then I recall…watched Regis and Kelly, The View, Ellen, scoured random blogs for about three hours, ate two sugar cookies for breakfast, stalked random people on Facebook, and pathetically tried to regain my focus along the way.

Today, I resolved to redeem parts of the day by spending some time in prayer with the Lord and asking Him once again to help me with my time management. The minute I made that decision, instead of wasting time, I found myself doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen, organizing our living room, and anything else that could be considered “productive” to avoid opening my Bible.

Why is it that some days, entering the presence of God feels more like a chore than my hearts desire? Sometimes my heart just isn’t in it.

Finally around 3:00, after I had wasted time doing everything else I could possibly think of, I reluctantly sat down at the table and opened up my journal to pray. I started praying, but I didn’t know what to pray. I finally put my face down on the table and said, “God, I’m just not feeling it. I want to feel You, but I just can’t.” In that stillness, I felt my heart slowly begin to revive little by little.

When I finally put my head up, I opened my Bible. (I had attempted to open my Bible before I started praying, but I wasn’t getting anywhere) After I had prayed, confessed, and cried out, all of a sudden my eyes were moving, the pages were turning, and before I knew it, 45 minutes had flown by! I think a little extra motivation was reading Proverbs 13:4, “The sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.”

I know that all of us face seasons where we don’t “feel God” or our hearts just aren’t in it. I also know that it’s not always resolved by laying our heads on the kitchen table for fifteen minutes. BUT, I think that when we’re faced with these challenges, instead of avoiding God, we need to tell Him. We need to pour out our complaints before Him, pray for faithful hearts, and believe that God will respond and lift us out of our pits—no matter how far down we’ve fallen.

“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.” Psalm 40:1-2 (NIV)

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart…I WILL be found by you.” Jeremiah 29:13 (NIV)

Lord, how I long to be a faithful steward of Your time. Even when I don’t feel like it, I long to be a woman who diligently seeks after You. My time is yours and I pray that I will use every second in a way that is honoring and pleasing to You!