Letting Go

(My brother Willis entrusting his life to a plastic Flipper as he soars through the air)

Sorry I’ve been a little MIA this week.  My life is about to settle down, but it hasn’t quite yet.  Since Monday, I have driven from DC to Virginia Beach, back to DC Tuesday night, and yesterday morning I hopped onto 95 with Bernie at 6:00 am and once again I find myself in Virginia Beach.  To make a long story short, Bernie found out Tuesday he’ll be working here for two weeks, and since my work is here as well, we loaded up our wagon (yes, we drive a wagon) and will now be here for two weeks.  Upon the news I called work and agreed to take on a focus group this morning at 6:45 am, so it’s kind of been one thing after the next.  Come tonight, at least I’ll feel somewhat settled for two weeks.  After that, who knows?

In other news, in case you didn’t know, guest posts make my heart sing!  I love hearing the hearts, struggles, and desires of other women and I also LOVE being able to fill up Long to Love with other voices besides mine.  So, thanks to Josie and Cally!  And for anyone else who has something on their heart, please let me know!  I always want this blog to be a joint effort.

Not only were Josie and Cally’s posts amazing, but they really resonated with my heart.  Over the past few weeks, I have really been wrestling with my need/lack of control over my future plans.  We’re currently in a waiting period until we hear about Bernie’s business school applications, and now all we can do is wait.  It’s hard for me not to feel anxious, doubtful, or numb.  It’s also extremely hard not to get carried away planning this next stage of life that may or may not be happening.

Two weeks ago, I found myself dreaming about a more settled life, a house, a dog, a slower pace, living nearby some of my dearest friends, and I felt the Lord whisper to my heart, “Let this go and just trust Me.”

For someone who lives to be in control and whose family occasionally refers to me as “Bossy The Cow,” (I have no idea where that came from) letting go can be be SO hard. 

Especially, when you have no idea what to expect.  I loved when Josie wrote:

“Let’s be honest.  You and I are not ultimately in control of our livesit’s at once a huge bummer and a great relief.  But it’s only a comfort and relief because I believe that the One who is in charge not only knows me, but deeply cares for me and has promised to take care of me.  Even more, He’s promised a full life!

So I encourage you to let go of controlyou don’t have it anyway!and to embrace the challenges that God puts in your path.” 

“Let go of controlyou don’t have it anyway!”  So true but so hard.

I also loved how Cally talked about letting go of the notion that we’re in control of our timeline:

“The Lord has certainly shattered the idea that I can be in control of my timeline or my future and has recently been teaching me how to trust in Him, even when I really don’t want to.”

Over the past two years, one verse that continues to come up in my life is Proverbs 16:9,  

“In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”

As hard as I try to control things, I’m slowly learning that it’s ultimately the Lord who determines our stepseven when we’re scared and have no idea where those steps are going to lead us.  
In times of transition and unknown, I have clung to the promise in Isaiah where God assures us,

I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.”
Isaiah 42:16

Letting go of control and surrendering our plans to God is scary, but thankfully the God we love promises us that even when we can’t see where we’re going, when the path is unknown, when we’re in the dark; He will lead us.  He will turn our darkness into light.  He will make the rough places smooth.  And He will never, ever forsake us.

No matter what happens over the next few weeks, I am learning to trust that God is always good and He always has a plan, even if it doesn’t end up looking how I might have planned it.  
But until then, you can say a little prayer as I continue to learn how to wait, trust, and let go… 


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