How Will I Know?

Typically, when it comes to relationships, I like to cut to the chase.  You could have been on approximately 1.5 dates with someone and inquiring minds want to know, “Is he the one?”

If this has ever been you, let me apologize.  When it comes to love, I get a little excited.  Yes, I know that in most instances those questions aren’t resolved that quickly, but how will you know? 

Unfortunately, as far as I know, there is no verse in the Bible that tells you specifically, when you’ll know.  There are verses that talk about the type of man you should be looking for and verses that talk about God’s faithfulness and His guidance, but nothing that comes out and says, “You’ll know this is the man you are to marry by x, y, and z…”  Wouldn’t that be nice? 

Equally confusing is the fact that with each person and couple it is different.  When it comes to love and marriage, there’s not really a set formula.   But with or without all the answers, as my mom loves to say, “God is the God of romance.” 

Sometimes you just know—my grandparents knew each other for a mere three weeks when they got engaged and were married six months later.  They will celebrate their 60th anniversary this June.

Other times it make take a roundabout way to find out—coming together, taking time apart, and then reuniting.  Strengthened.  Matured.  Ready.

Once again, I must say I am NOT a relationship expert and all relationships are so very different, but here are some things I noticed when it came to Bernie…

Soon after Bernie and I began dating I began to  pray, “Lord, if he’s not the one, end it now.  I really don’t want to waste my time if this isn’t going anywhere.”

As time rolled on, I became more and more afraid as to how this was going to end.  It’s scary to put yourself out there without knowing how it’s going to end and I was tired of getting too emotionally involved in relationships that weren’t going anywhere.

So, through a process of about a year and a half, here are some questions and events that led me to see that Bernie, was indeed the one.

Does he bring out the best in you?  

My sweet mother always tells her children, “You’re both wonderful people, but are you the best person for each another?  Do they bring out the best in you and do you bring out the best in them?”  

A few months into our relationship, a friend came up to me and said, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I like you more now that you’re dating Bernie.”  I’m not sure what that meant about me beforehand, BUT their outside observation helped confirm what I was feeling.  Bernie made me feel alive.  He didn’t change me, but he definitely enhanced me.

Several other friends told me that they thought Bernie helped me be the best version of myself.  I was so grateful for their insight.  Those were words I’d never heard before when it came to dating.   

Sometimes it’s hard to see when you’re in the relationship, but as an outside observer, it can be pretty easy to spot.  

Does the relationship bear fruit? 

Ecclesiastes 4 says that “two are better than one,” so where do you see fruit blossoming?  This can look like all kinds of things—courage to pursue a dream, answered prayers, strengthened faith, an increased desire to love and serve others, the strength to work through family issues, ministering to those around you, etc.  Where are you seeing fruit?

I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
John 15:5   


I wasn’t planning for this to be a two-part post, but I’ve gone too long today.  To be continued tomorrow…

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